Shadowing the Stars

Being the most respected publication in the world of pool, Q-Tip Magazine has previously unheard of access to all the game's biggest stars. In this regular feature of the magazine, we spend a day with a superstar, following him as he prepares for his match, travels, and eats. We are even there to get the final reaction after the match is over. In this issue, we shadow 'Classy' Martin Kirkley on the day of his Intercontinental Title defence against Phil Pearce at BackClash.

10:24am. Outside Martin Kirkley's modest 3 bedroom home in Sinfin. I've knocked twice, but there's no answer. Time to call his mobile.

MK: Shit, sorry, guys. I forgot all about it. I'm at Jagjit Dusanjh's place. He always throws the best pay-per-view eve parties. Well, second best, but the Dream Team won't let me into theirs. Anyway, last night was quite the evening- white wine on tap, a few friendly games of Scrabble. All we had to do was keep the noise down so his parents didn't find out.

Anyway, I must have overdone it on the wine, because I can't remember a thing after challenging one of Jag's dodgy Indian words. Funnily enough, right now my stomach is challenging one of Jag's dodgy Indian curries. Not the best preparation for a big match, but you live and learn.

11:49am. The basement of Martin's home, converted into a practice room, where the Classy one tells us about the importance of tonight's match, between running to the bathroom.

Tonight is big. It's big for me, and big for the company. The main event is a triple threat for the world title, but I like to think of my match as being equally as big. Excuse me, I think I'm going to vomit again...

(10 minutes later) Sorry about that. When Jagjit makes a curry, you know about it! Anyway, yes, my match tonight. This is about revenge for me, plain and simple. You see, I brought Phil Pearce into this company, but just like Andy Appleby before him, he turned his back on me. If he wanted a title shot, he only had to ask. There was no need for him to chalk me up and use me as a cue. I've been used as a cue by better players than you, Pearce. Remember that!

1pm. The local drycleaners, picking up Martin's suit as he tells us how and why he became 'Classy'.

I've been a Butcher all my life. My father was a butcher, and my father's father was a butcher. I took that mindset into the pool business and it served me well. But then the fans turned against me. They turned sour on my butchering ways, so I decided that I needed something new to win them over. Then, one day, while walking down the street, I found an old suit in a bin. It was a bit dirty, and I had to get my mum to sew some extra material onto the legs, y'know? But I liked the way it looked. I realised that if a suit and tie wouldn't get the fans back on the Kirklemania bandwagon, nothing would.

2.10pm. Shipley's Arena. Martin drops off his outfit, and takes in the arena.

I've played here many times of course. Won a fair few matches here too. Just think, in about five hours there'll be ten thousand plus in here to see me beat Phil Pearce. There's old Sally, one of the arena managers. A few of the boys have done her. Get's a little rowdy, y'know? Me? That would be telling.

(spying Dan Clearup, Steve White and Fat on the practise tables) There's Dan Clearup, Steve White and Fat, on the pracise tables. I've taken Clearup under my wing a little bit actually. He's a good player. Fat's nothing without Gos Ant as a mouthpiece. Have you ever tried talking to him? Gibberish.

3.03pm. The nearby Acropolis restaurant, where many of the players eat prior to the events. We are joined by Simon Turner of the Great Grebs, as Martin tells us about his past doubles teams.

I've been burnt in the past, yeah. Appleby, then Pearce. I've learnt that if you want anything out of this game, you have to go it alone. Simon, you've been in a doubles team all your career, but mark my words, they all end the same way. With Appleby I blame myself. He was a loose cannon ever since I first met him. Would drink himself into a stupor every night, wake up next to some godawful mess. I thought that pool might set him on the straight and narrow, but it went the other way. Dream Team, I hate you guys more than life itself, but let me give you a friendly warning- Appleby will screw you over too in the end. It's what he does. As for Pearce, I just never saw it coming. He was a solid guy, always by your side. Somebody must have got to him. Tonight's gonna hurt, beating him. I've got to make an example of him though. I'm nobody's stepping stone to greatness.

ST: I'm backing Kirkley, of course. Kirkley stands for what's right in this game of kings. I must admit though, I had a little flutter on Pearce, just to hedge my bets. What? I've got a family to raise.

7:57pm. Shipley's Arena. Backstage with Martin as he awaits his match, up next. Jagjit Dusanjh has just won a Fatal Fourway match, and is now cutting a promo on the stage.

Listen to that man. The whole audience in the palm of his hand, English and Punjabi. There's no promo man like him. That's good. He's leaving the crowd hot for me, warming them up. They were dead for the match. That's what you get when you follow Jag. Have to hope he gets on the mic after his match, otherwise half the crowd are looking at their watches.

I've got a few nerves. It's natural. I've been there before though. Two-time champion. I've played for the world championship on pay-per-view, played all the big stars. Pearce has got nothing. He's got to be bricking it. Look for me to win this one something like 5-2. It definitely won't go closer than 5-3, I've just got too much experience, too much in my locker.

(Jagjit passes by with a wink)

JD: Hear those fans now, Mr Kirkley? You owe me a magnum, my friend.

MK: Sling your hook. I'm still coughing up that tikka masala.

(Kirkley's music starts playing, and the MC announces his name)

Show time.

8:39pm. Backstage at Shipley's Arena. All is quiet, except for the faint sounds of celebration coming from a nearby locker-room. Phil Pearce kept his nerve to pot a black down the rails to seal a 5-4 victory, and become the new Intercontinental Champion.

I'm speechless. It hurts. I don't know what happened, I just couldn't get going. The fans played a part. I expected much more support. What was it? About 50-50? Didn't expect that. And who was that woman in Pearce's corner? It puts you off, something like that. I should have been informed. The company owes me that much. Maybe it was a stitch-up, I don't know. It's happened before. This has changed me, I know that. It's time for something different. It's time for me to rebel. From this moment on, Martin Kirkley will take no shit.

Martin Kirkley requested that we leave at that point, as he gently rocked back and forth in his locker-room. It was certainly an illuminating day, and I thank Martin for his time, and candor. Maybe he has a point about being stitched up. What we know for certain is that we have a new Intercontinental Champion, and that Kirkley may face a rocky road back to that championship.

Until next time, farewell.

Q-Tip Magazine's Pool Hall of Fame (3)

Through the annals of time the green baize of the pool table has acted as a battle ground as warriors young and old have locked both cues and wits in combat. We at Q-Tip magazine, pool's number one periodical, are proud to announce that we are inaugurating the official Pool Hall of Fame, which will see those great warriors remembered and honoured for their achievements.

These inductees will be selected on a number of criteria, ranging from their on-table success, to their impact on the sport, and taking into account each aspect of what makes a great pool player.A new inductee will be announced every few weeks, along with a brief biography of their career, and an abridged version of the induction.

The third inductee into the Pool Hall of Fame is quite simply the most famous pool player on the planet. This is a man who truly transcended the pool world, and ushered a new era of entertainment and celebrity into the game. A brilliant tactician who was capable of anything and everything on the table, he was a trendsetter both in the way he played pool, and the way he lived his life, and because of this he is more than deserving of a place in the Q-Tip Magazine Pool Hall of Fame.

The third inductee into the Q-Tip Pool Hall of Fame is The Dreamaster, Darren Hibbert.

Darren Hibbert was a prodigious talent who came to the game relatively late. He first picked up a cue at the age of 16, and realised that he was probably the best player in the world. Whilst racking up exhibition tournament wins in his hometown of Derby, Hibbert met another young star, Adam Russell. Russell and Hibbert soon formed a keen friendship, based around their incredible talents, and thirst for power and glory. It wasn't long before they came to the attention of pool promoter Nick Billinge, who signed the duo to lucrative contracts, giving Hibbert and Russell ridiculous wealth. You would think that Hibbert would have been grateful to Billinge, but the opposite was true. Cast as clean cut good guys, Hibbert sensationally broke character on live TV, after he and Russell had defeated the Fabulous Sanghera Brothers. Hibbert claimed that he and Russell were going to take over, not only the world of pool, but the world of entertainment, and that all the fans would either love it, or suffer dire consequences. Things took a turn for the worse when Billinge sent a crewman onto the stage to remove Hibbert, but that crewman was instead greeted by Hibbert's spit in his eye. Thus the Dream Team were formed.

Hibbert was fined a month's earnings, but in reality, Billinge should have given him a payrise as interest in pool skyrocketed, with Hibbert and Russell centre-stage. The Dream Team soon added more members to their ranks; close friend Phil Wallis, and foul-mouthed maverick Andy Appleby, and Hibbert's prediction of world domination came to fruition. Russell and Hibbert traded the world title back and forth, including a match that was viewed by 20 million people on the BBC, and dominated the doubles division, and before long they were the men that everybody loved to hate.

Of course, where Hibbert went, controversy was sure to follow. In May 1998, The Sun newspaper broke the story that Anthea Turner was expecting Hibbert's lovechild. Hibbert staunchly denied the allegations, but the media circus that ensued cost him his relationship with female pool player, Jessica Bates. Worse was to follow though. When John Lennon claimed that The Beatles were bigger than Jesus, it caused worldwide controversy. When Darren Hibbert claimed that he WAS Jesus, everbody accepted it as fact. Or so it seemed. On March 13th 1999, an unknown assassin, hired by Right-wing religious group, Death To Hibbert, fired six shots from an automatic rifle through the bay windows of Hibbert's Derbyshire mansion. The first five shots missed, but the sixth pierced through the shoulder of Hibbert's cueing arm, coming out the other side into the face of a local call girl, Jasmine Jones. Jones died in the near thirty-five minute wait for the ambulance to arrive, but more tragically, Hibbert missed six weeks of pool.

Darren Hibbert did as he always did- he bounced back, and continued to build upon his legacy as one of the finest players ever to wield a cue. He has forged a successful career in the world of film and television, and is a regular on the the after-dinner speakers circuit.

Darren Hibbert, inducted into the Hall of Fame by Adam Russell.

AR: Today we honour a man who is not only my best friend, but is someone who has taught me so much about pool, and about life. When I first met this man, my only pleasure in life was the humiliation of others, my only drug was the tears of my defeated opponents. He introduced me to the dizzying highs of fame; he was the dealer who fed my addiction to insulting people on the grandest stage. I'll never forget the day he said to me 'Adam, zip your trousers up. These half dozen people aren't worth it. Stick with me and you'll be exposing yourself in front of millions'. You all know what happened from there. And even though, in my heart of hearts, I know that I'm a better pool player than he is, I accept that I wouldn't be where I am today without him. His saliva was my vehicle to the top. He was an artist on the table, to be compared with Picasso, Van Gogh, and the others. People often stop me in the streets and ask me 'why was he such a boring pool player?', and I answer them with this; 'you wouldn't want to sit and watch Van Gogh painting one of his pictures, but you'll damn sure pay money to see it hanging in a museum'. The same is true of this man. I've been this man's friend through the ups, and through the downs, which is why I'm so very proud to say that the newest inductee into the pool Hall of Fame, is The Dreamaster, Darren Hibbert.

DH: Thank you, Adam. I'm tempted to say 'about time', but that would suggest that Q-Tip magazine is more than just a rag publication. This is the same magazine whose editor testified in court against me during my lawsuit with Pot Racism Out Of Pool. This is the same magazine that printed photos of Anthea Turner's bastard son in a Dreamaster Halloween costume. Adam, you should be in this hall of fame, and it's a little embarrassing for me accepting this honour, knowing that you're not. Look at this crowd of people. Where's Andy Appleby? Stand up you twat. (Appleby stands up in the crowd). Get up here. You should be on this stage with me. This is a man who changed our industry (Appleby climbs onto the stage). Thank you, Andy. Now that I'm semi-retired from pool, these moments mean all the more to me. I can make more money in one night on the after-dinner circuit than most of you lot made in your whole careers, but still, seeing you all here, putting your jealousy and hatred aside, to honour me, that's something you can't buy. Where's Martin Kirkley? Kirkley? Not here? Okay, where's Steve White? Steve, you're a good sport. You're what our industry is all about. All of you here tonight, you know why I'm standing here. This magazine, if this was ten years ago, I'd be DX-ing in your faces. You have a responsibility to tell the fans the truth, about how I'm the only man to be world champion, King of the Table, and a Thy Royale Rumble winner. Instead you focus on the negatives. We here, the players, make the news, and you report it, and just remember that. This industry would be nowhere without me, without Adam, and then where would you all be? Thank you, thank you all.

What the stars say:

Phil Wallis: Darren is a legend, no doubt about it. The four of us (The Dream Team) were living the lives of kings. Darren could walk into a pub anywhere in the country, get the place cleared out, open bar, Queen on the jukebox, barmaid's knickers round their ankles. All with a nod. A prince of a man.

Steve White: The blacking up thing wasn't something I was told about. I wasn't happy about it, but I didn't want to get the courts involved. Darren came up to me after the show and he said, 'Steve, that performance will put food on your children's table for the rest of their lives'. You know what? Tonight I'm taking the family out to KFC, and yes, Darren is paying.

Adam Russell: I'm not surprised that Darren took this moment to get some things off his chest. That's just the way he is. He airs his grievances in public. But let's not let that take away from what this is all about. Darren is the best thing to ever happen to the game of pool, and he deserves to be told that by his peers, and his lessers.

Andy Appleby: The best slow roller of the ball ever. You'd think you had him safe, then he'd lay a fucking snooker that made you rub your eyes in disbelief. Patience. Never seen a man with so much patience on the table and so little off it. And he could pot like a motherfucker.

Nick Billinge: Darren was a man who on the one hand, was directly responsible for my stroke, but on the other hand, he made me so much money, you just wouldn't believe it. We made each other a lot of money really. You hear about what a bastard the guy is, but when the news broke about the stroke, he was one of the first people to call me. We've buried the hatchet now. Life's too short.

Leann Finney: Living with Darren isn't always easy, but it's never dull. I've been in court seven times since we met, twice in different countries. I've been on the front page of every national newspaper, been on every talk show. Please, just give me some peace.

Martin Kirkley: I thought it would have been hypocritical of me to be there. I can't deny one thing though- he was good at pool.

Darren Hibbert: It's been an eye-opener of an evening. So many memories. It's been a long time since I've seen some of these faces, Dusanjh, McFarlane. I have to say that each and every one of them has given me something over the years, they've all contributed to this wonderful journey I've been on. It was nice to see Barry Sanghera, and of course, I know Harry was looking down on me from Heaven. They were there at the start. They don't make 'em like that anymore. Now, I've earnt the right to relax. I've done it all. But you haven't seen the last of the name Hibbert in the pool world. I've got two lads who are already picking up the basics. They're going to be something special. Then there's Anthea's lad, just in case things don't work out. Who knows, maybe the DTB will be back for one last big run. Wouldn't that be something special?

There will be a new inductee shortly.

Q-Tip Magazine's Pool Hall of Fame (2)

Through the annals of time the green baize of the pool table has acted as a battle ground as warriors young and old have locked both cues and wits in combat. We at Q-Tip magazine, pool's number one periodical, are proud to announce that we are inaugurating the official Pool Hall of Fame, which will see those great warriors remembered and honoured for their achievements.

These inductees will be selected on a number of criteria, ranging from their on-table success, to their impact on the sport, and taking into account each aspect of what makes a great pool player.A new inductee will be announced every few weeks, along with a brief biography of their career, and an abridged version of the induction.

The second inductee into the Pool Hall of Fame played an integral role in the worldwide growth of the industry. He made his reputation as one of pool's nice guys, both on and off the table, and through his endless charity work he continues to use his gift for the benefit of others. For bringing a new sense of style and grace to the common room, and for his huge impact on both the doubles and singles scenes, this man truly deserves to take his place in the Q-Tip Magazine Pool Hall of Fame.

The second inductee into the Q-Tip Magazine Hall of Fame is the Big Ukrainian Potter, Andrej Kaminskyj.

Life was hard for the young Andrej Kaminskyj, toiling under the harsh regime of Communist Russian. But unlike so many of his countrymen who have ended up dead, or close to it, Kaminskyj had a gift that would see him leave the poverty of the Soviet Union behind, and start a fresh life in England. It all started when he sent a promo video of himself to Nick Billinge, a video that he filmed on a camera he managed to buy for a loaf of bread. Billinge was uneasy about bringing over an untried youngster from another country, but there was something about Kaminskyj's table manner that he liked.

Once in England, Kaminskyj set about proving to his new boss that he was capable of being a top star, and was a stand-out in the pool training facility, The Corner Pocket. After only a few weeks of training, and coming to terms with the English lifestyle, Billinge decided to give Kaminskyj his big break on television. On the August 7th 1998 edition of Saturday Night That Bag, Kaminskyj debuted as The Big Ukrainian Potter. The fans were at first unsure of what to make of this newcomer, who spoke very little English, but when they saw his potting ability, they soon took to him.

While Kaminskyj's potting ability was impressive, his lack of killer instinct and charisma made it difficult for him to reach the top, and made it hard for Billinge to find a suitable role for him. He had an entertaining run as Jagjit Dusanjh's partner in The Foreign Fanatics, but when Dusanjh joined up with his relatives in The Family, Kaminskyj was back on his own. Things took a turn for the better when he won the rumble match at the second Thy Royale Rumble pay-per-view, last eliminating Darren Hibbert, but he never seized on the opportunities the win created. He finally decided to call it quits on his career when Billinge pitched the idea of playing a Communist character, and being the head of a new faction, The Communist League of International Terrorists. As the supposed founder of CLIT, Kaminskyj filmed a number of vignettes, but he was opposed to the angle from the beginning and informed Billinge that he wanted a release from his contract. The request was granted.

Andrej Kaminskyj inducted into the Hall of Fame by Jagjit Dusanjh.

JD: It was a surprise and an honour to be asked to induct this man into the Hall of Fame. Some people get recognised for talent. Drive. Determination. Will to succeed. This man loved the game. He loved the fans. He gave so much to the world of pool, and took so very little. He wasn't a guy who was going to make it to the top, no matter who he stepped on. He was a guy who made it by being respected by his peers, and by just simply playing good pool. People say he squandered his talent, but you measure a man not by what he achieves, but by what he gives to others. I think back to the time when we were partners, and I wonder how far we could have gone if he'd have just cared more about winning, just had a little bit of fire inside of him. In many ways I'll never forgive him. But nevertheless, I'm proud to introduce to you, the newest inductee into the pool Hall of Fame, Andrej Kaminskyj.

AK: Thank you, Jagjit. Thank you, Q-Tip magazine. This is truly an honour. Excuse my tears of joy, I beg you. What can I say? I look back on my career with so many fond memories. Nicky Billinge, God bless you. Thank you. You took a chance on a kid from the Ukraine. I tried my best for you, always. People say I never tried to win, but I've been a fighter all my life and I've seen things that make you realise winning a pool match isn't that important. But I tried my best, Nicky. To all my great opponents, I thank you for the memories. And the fans especially, I thank you. I came to this country with nothing more than the clothes on my back, and a pool cue, and because of the way you took me into your heart, I now boast an ample wardrobe, and three pool cues. You welcomed me as one of your own and I only hope I didn't let you down. God bless you all.

What the stars say:

Darren Hibbert: He brought things to this game that people hadn't seen before. He was just one of the most amazing potters you'll ever see. But his real legacy lies in how willing he was to give, to impart his knowledge. We're in an industry where people are afraid to help the other guys, in case they became better than them. But with Andrej, maybe it was because he knew that Adam and I were already better than him, but he was always happy to give us advice.

Adam Russell: Two words; Black Magic.

Alan Gillingham: It was such a pleasure to commentate on his matches, because he was always capable of pulling out a new shot that you've never seen before.

Nick Billinge: I always look at Andrej as a missed opportunity. He had the natural ability to be a multi-time world champion, and to have great rivalries with the likes of Appleby and Apno, but it just never quite worked out. I wish he'd have given the CLIT thing a chance to be honest, because I think that could have really been a good storyline. But I suppose if he wasn't feeling CLIT, there's nothing you can do about it.

Konrad Nowacki: I'm very grateful to him. I was going to be a part of CLIT, but thanks to him retiring they held my debut back a couple of months and I never looked back. I was pissed off at the time though.

Andrej Kaminskyj: CLIT was a low point. But it was probably the only one. I had a great time teaming up with Jagger. It was perfect because he was such a character, yet lacking in talent, whereas I had the talent, but lacked charisma. I enjoyed the rumble match, and the subsequent matches against Darren (Hibbert). I think we put on some great matches. I'm very proud. And of course, I still like to make an appearance now and then. But I'm happy with my charity work. Now my biggest adversary is global warming, and the only thing I'm trying to pot is cancer.

There will be a new inductee shortly.

Pool Player's Cribs

Q-Tip Magazine has the privilege of being invited into the homes of the great and good in the world of pool, and getting exclusive access to the stars on their own turf. From stunning mountainside villas, to majestic country estates, the superstars of pool certainly know how to live in luxury. In this month's edition of Pool Player's Cribs our reporters get the guided tour of the converted Gurdwara that Jagjit Dusanjh calls home.

Dusanjh is probably best known as the man who lost the famed umbrella match to Adam Russell, but during a long and storied career, the man known to some as 'Bad Ass' Jag captivated millions with his antics, and his infamy certainly helped to pay for this beautiful home, which he shares with his wife and daughter. As we arrive at Chez Dusanjh, we are greeted by Jagjit himself, who is quick to point out the two bronze panthers which guard his property. 'Wedding gifts' he says with a smile, as he leads us into his home.

The first room we enter is the living room, spacious yet homely. On the wall are a number of souvenirs from his pool playing days, including a framed copy of Q-Tip Magazine, on which his face adorned the cover. 'This is where my family and I like to relax. It's good for me to have these reminders of my career around me. It helps me to remember what payed for the beautiful furniture we sit on, the food we eat, the tigers we breed'. Walking through the corridors to our next room we ask Jagjit to reflect on his favourite memory from his career. 'I was lucky enough to team for a while with my cousin, Gurjit- one of the best pool players in the world. That was a fun time. We even managed to win a match.' Crazy times.

The next room we're shown into is the dining room. The centre-piece of the room is an eighteen foot dinner table, 'for entertaining', as Jagjit explains. Dusanjh is known for his elaborate themed dinner parties, and we encourage him to regale us with an anecdote. 'I had a reunion party, for all of my old pool buddies. The theme was Sikh deities. Anyway, myself, Dan Clearup, Martin Kirkley and Butch Dingle were enjoying a pleasant game of scrabble with a glass of wine when Konrad Nowacki burst in. He'd clearly overdone it on the wine, as he was stark naked, apart from a turban, and proceeded to wave his penis in Paul McFarlane's face'. Jagjit bursts into laughter as he remembers the scene. 'Every night was a party in those days'.

As we enter the master bedroom, Jagjit tells us an interesting fact about the house. 'This house used to be the actual Gurdwara where I got married'. As he shows us the wedding photos displayed proudly on the walls we notice a few familiar faces. 'Yes,' he says, 'Adam Russell, Darren Hibbert and Martin Kirkley all came to my wedding. And for a reasonable fee'. The bed, he tells us, is made from elephant tusks, elephants he killed himself.

The next room we enter, strangely enough, is completely empty. Jagjit bows his head in sadness. We probe him for an explanation and finally he admits to us that this used to be the umbrella room. 'I had a collection of over 12,000 umbrellas at one time,' he says. 'Umbrellas from all over the world. I even had the umbrella that Gene Kelly dances with in Singin' In The Rain. But after losing the umbrella match with Adam (Russell) I couldn't bear looking at them anymore. I gave them all away.' Apparently, Jagjit also had a collection of over 900 rests, which he also gave away after losing a rest match to Adam Russell. After that rest match, Dusanjh wept a single tear on live television. 'I wasn't crying because I lost,' he protests. 'That day happened to be the anniversary of Gert Frobe's (the man who played Goldfinger) death. It was a sad day indeed.'

We complete our tour in the prayer room, where we find Jagjit's wife. It is at this time that we ask Jagjit about the different doubles partners he's had; Andrej Kaminskyj in The Foreign Fanatics, Gurjit Sanghera in The New Age Inlaws, and 'No Shit' Martin Kirkley in The Rebellion, during which time he was known as 'Fuck That' Jagjit Dusanjh. 'I don't think The Rebellion were really given a chance,' he whispers, so as not to disturb his wife. 'We could have been great'. He goes on to tell us that despite all his partners, he'll always consider himself simply a member of The Sanghera Family.

Jagjit shows us out as we thank him for his hospitality. He is certainly a man who likes luxury, be it the soft touch of his hand-woven satin bedspread, or the cold hard carcass of one of the dead African rhinos he has hunted to near-extinction, but on this tour we feel like we have gone beyond the man who so famously wiped his feet on the English flag at Poolamania, and found a loving family man, and generous host.

Q-Tip Magazine's Pool Hall of Fame

Through the annals of time the green baize of the pool table has acted as a battle ground as warriors young and old have locked both cues and wits in combat. We at Q-Tip magazine, pool's number one periodical, are proud to announce that we are inaugurating the official Pool Hall of Fame, which will see those great warriors remembered and honoured for their achievements.

These inductees will be selected on a number of criteria, ranging from their on-table success, to their impact on the sport, and taking into account each aspect of what makes a great pool player.
A new inductee will be announced every few weeks, along with a brief biography of their career, and an abridged version of the induction.

It is only fitting that the first Hall of Famer be a true legend in every sense of the word. From his humble beginnings on the pub circuit, to his show-stealing performances on pay-per-view, this superstar has left a legacy on the business which will never be forgotten. Called my many the greatest player never to win the world title, wherever this man went controversy was sure to follow, and in his wake he left bitter former friends and broken dreams.

The first inductee into the Q-Tip Magazine Hall of Fame is the former Eastern Asian champion and Dream Team member, 'The Rock' Andy Appleby.

Appleby first came to the attention of pool fans as the mystery doubles partner of Martin Kirkley in a match against The Dream Team. While they lost the match, it was clear that Appleby had a lot of potential, and it didn't take the fans long to get behind the team known as The Kirkles. The Kirkles were instated as the number one contenders for the doubles titles and were set to receive their title match at Zero Remorse. However, no-one could have predicted that behind the scenes the friendship between Kirkley and Appleby had turned to a deep hatred. Who better to capitalise on this turn of events than The Dream Team. In a shocking move, just 3 days before the pay-per-view Appleby turned on his partner, the man who had got him his job, and joined the DTB. Now known as the people's champion, and with his newly won Eastern Asian title, Appleby was suddenly thrust centre-stage as the Dream Team juggernaut went about taking over the pool world. Fans saw a different side of the man they once idolised; he was brash, cocky, and no stranger to controversy.

Appleby first got into trouble with the board of directors with a profanity-laced promo, directed at The King's Court, on live television. This cost him a week's wages, but that didn't seem to bother Appleby. Run-ins with chairman of the board Nick Billinge were a weekly occurrence back then, but Appleby cranked it up a notch one unforgettable New Year's Eve. While out on the town with his Dream Team partners Appleby had a chance encounter with developmental pool player, Dan Hudson. The two got into a war of words which resulted in Appleby DXing the youngster, quite literally, to fuck. Billinge had to take action. He suspended Appleby for 2 months, and made him foot the bill for Hudson's therapy sessions.

When Appleby returned he was noticeably different. He became disillusioned with pool, and many observers said he was becoming more and more reliant on alcohol. He had taken to spending time away from the table with jobber and King's Court member El Jester, who just months earlier Appleby had ripped to shreds in that famous interview. Content to live on the popularity he had built-up in the previous years, Appleby's pool career slowly burnt out and he now scrapes a living on the pub circuit, back where it all began.

Andy Appleby inducted into the Hall of Fame by Adam Russell, Darren Hibbert, and Phil Wallis

AR: To be honoured by the fans, as you're honouring me now by chanting my name, is one thing, but to be honoured by your peers is something truly special. And that's why we're here today, because a real legend has been recognised for his achievements in the world of pool.

PW: You can make a mark in this industry by winning titles, winning fans, and winning matches, and God knows this man did all that, but more than that he made his mark by taking out his penis, flopping it onto a pool table, and saying to everybody 'if you think you can tell me how to go about my business, you can just suck on this'.

DH: Simply put, he was one of the best players I ever saw, and he could entertain a crowd like nobody else. Ladies and gentlemen, the first inductee into the Q-Tip magazine Hall of Fame, and deservedly so, Andy Appleby.

AA: Fucking hell. What an honour. When you start out in this business you have a pretty modest idea of what success is. For me, success was quitting my job as a postie, and being able to support myself just from pool playing. Success was winning my first 50p tournament. I never dreamed I'd be packing arenas, travelling the world, dining out in fancy restaurants. Some fucker asked me the other day 'Andy, why'd you piss all that away?', I said 'mum, for the last time, that wasn't pissing it all away, that was living the dream'. I don't regret a single thing I did in my career. I fucked a lot of girls, DXed a lot of important people, we didn't give a shit. But I owe this as much to these guys here, the DTB, as anyone. We were a proper family back then, and if I miss anything about those old days, it's that.

What the stars say:

Martin Kirkley: There's no hard feelings. I don't hold grudges. Andy was a guy who always lived on the edge, and there was really no telling what he was going to do. It's unfortunate what happened between us but we've shared a pint since, and I don't begrudge him this honour.

Adam Russell: People say I'm a fast player, but Andy is the one guy who can go toe to toe with me in that department. He was a force of nature, a potting machine.

Darren Hibbert: What he did is he raised the bar for us. He was an awesome player, but he had that edge. He just loved controversy, and those days of raising hell will never be replicated.

El Jester: He was my idol, and my mentor. When the drink took hold of him it hit me hard. I chalked his cue for him, tied his shoelaces. He was a mess towards the end.

Phil Wallis: We teamed hundreds of times. More often than not he'd get us disqualified. He'd DX the ref or something. Or tell him to fuck off. He was a foul-mouthed bastard.

Nick Billinge: Martin would hassle me two or three times a week to check out this friend of his on the pub circuit. I've been conned by pub players before so I was hesitant but finally I agreed to give him a look. I knew straight-away he had the potential to be a big star. His manner around the table was so confident, so striking. I knew I was onto a winner.

Dan Hudson: He ruined my life.

Andy Appleby: I guess it's easy to take things for granted. I never did that. I knew it was gonna end badly. Don't ask me how. I just knew. So I savoured every second. Every three course meal, every first class flight, every threesome. Nobody will ever take those memories away from me. Would I do the fucker all over again? With one difference. I never thought I DXed Dan Hudson hard enough. But, y'know, nobody's perfect.

There will be a new inductee shortly.

The Oscars 2007: Review

After my Oscar predictions blogs of a couple of weeks ago I thought it only fair that I post a follow-up blog looking at how I did, and the quality of the show in general.

First of all, my opinion on this year's Oscars. While it certainly wasn't a vintage year in any way, shape or form, I have to say that I enjoyed this year's show. They didn't seem to drag as much as in previous years, surprising considering this was the first time I've actually watched them live, without the ability to fast forward. Ellen DeGeneres made for a very funny host, and kept things moving along at a good pace, and there were enough surprises and feel-good moments to leave me satisfied. I could have done without the acrobats (though one can't deny they were good at what they did), and as is customary the musical performances weren't exactly cutting edge (what I wouldn't give for another Elliott Smith-type moment) - if I never see Celine Dion perform again it will be much too soon, but those things aside the curtain dropped with my desire to one day be on the podium, fighting through the orchestra's attempts to cut me off, undiminished, if not heightened. And while I'm on the subject, while I accept that the show needs to be kept to a manageable timeframe, I really dislike seeing some guy, who is clearly rushing to thank everybody he wants to, being drowned out by music and ushered off the stage. Just had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, onto my not-so-stellar predictions. In my defence I made my predictions fairly early and had I waited another week I think that I may have been more accurate. But you live and learn.

As I mentioned, there were a few surprises at this year's ceremony. While I wouldn't class The Departed's snaggling of the Best Picture award, in a weak category, an out-and-out surprise, it was another year in which the favourite, Babel (the film I predicted would win), was trumped. Of course by the time this was announced it was significantly less surprising considering that Babel had failed to dominate the awards the way a Best Picture winner usually does, and in the most gratifying moment of the night, Martin Scorsese had finally won a Best Director Oscar. Let's ignore the fact that I predicted disappointment once again for Marty (to be fair to me, I did state that the best director award usually went to the director of the best picture); I was very pleased when Scorsese's name was announced and the standing ovation that ensued reminded me just why I love the movies so much.

The Departed walked away with 4 awards in total, the other two coming in the editing category (in which it tellingly beat my pick Babel), and Best Adapted Screenplay. I went out on a limb and picked Borat in the latter category, meaning that all four of The Departed's wins leave me at 0-4 in my predictions. Babel has let me down big time, so it's time to pull this back.

I think everyone must have predicted wins for Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker in the two main acting categories, so I won't boast about getting those right. Same goes for Jennifer Hudson for Best Supporting Actress. The most open of the acting categories was Best Supporting Actor, in which I gave a chance to both Eddie Murphy, my eventual pick, and the veteran Alan Arkin. In another feelgood moment it was Arkin who walked away with the Oscar, leaving my record at a not-too-healthy 3-5.

The one award Babel did win, for best original score, also cost me dearly as I predicted a sympathy win for Notes on a Scandal. Little did I know it would be Inarritu's feature picking up the sympathy vote in this one. One award for Babel has to be a big disappointment, considering that the film was even out-duked by Al Gore's global warming documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. Melissa Etheridge won Best Song for her contribution to the film, surprisingly beating all three of Dreamgirls' efforts (which obviously cancelled each other out, though I unfortunately didn't have the foresight to predict that), and the film also picked up the Best Documentary feature award. In fact, it was this film, and Gore's presence at the ceremony which provided some of the funnier moments of the night as George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio both joked about the possibility of the Democrat running for president in 2008. Gore's win in '07 however took me to 4-7.

Pan's Labyrinth was also a somewhat surprising success on the night, picking up 3 awards; cinematography, art direction, and makeup. Happily for me I predicted all three of these wins bringing my total back up to 7-7. All in all, I'd say that Pan's Labyrinth, rather than The Departed, was the biggest winner of the night as this kind of recognition will do wonders for its reputation, and subsequently its DVD sales. It could have been even better for Guillermo Del Toro's film had it not been squeezed out in the Best Foreign Language Film category by German film The Lives of Others. This win represented my biggest victory of the night also, as I predicted a German win against all the odds. Maybe it's watching all those England-Germany football matches that did it. The German cinema renaissance continues...

Okay, let's wrap this up. The best original screenplay award went to Little Miss Sunshine, not Babel as I predicted (man, that film cost me), and the costume award went to Marie Antoinette. I did say that Sofia Copolla's film deserved the award, but predicted it would go to The Queen, leaving me at 8-9.

I apparently know my sound, as I rightly predicted best sound would go to Dreamgirls, and best sound editing would go to Letters From Iwo Jima, that film's only award of the night. The final awards went to Pirates of the Caribbean for best visual effects (over my pick Poseidon), and Happy Feet for best animated feature (over Cars). This leaves my overall Oscar predictions record at an underwhelming 10-11.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, this year's Oscars were full of surprises so maybe under the circumstances batting at just under 500 isn't too bad, although I expected much better. Still, I'll be back next year, better than ever.

Academy Awards 2007: Part Two

This is the second part of my Oscars analysis and predictions.

Best adapted screenplay category - Sacha Baron Cohen et al (Borat); Alfonso Cuaron et al (Children of Men); William Monahan (The Departed); Todd Field, Tom Perrotta (Little Children); Patrick Marber (Notes on a Scandal)

It seems obvious that the best picture winner would win one of the screenplay awards, which is why The Departed immediately leaps off the page here, and is certainly in with a chance. Borat has been a cultural phenomenom in the States, and I'm sure the Academy would like to show how 'cool' they are by recognising it in some way. I'd rule out Children of Men. Though the premise is good, Cuaron and his co-writers made a meal of the characterisation. The subject matter of Little Children may be too edgy for the Academy's tastes, whereas Notes on a Scandal seems tailor-made for Oscar night.

Something in me wants to see Field and Perrotta win for Little Children. I just feel it would be a refreshingly brave choice. I have a feeling that Sacha Baron Cohen and his team of writers may run out popular winners though.

Best supporting actor category - Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine); Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children); Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond); Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls); Mark Wahlberg (The Departed)

Jack Nicholson casts a giant shadow over this category. Everyone talked of his Oscar-worthy performance in The Departed, yet it's co-star Mark Wahlberg who gets the films only acting nomination. That could work against him. Eddie Murphy won the Golden Globe which would have to make him the favourite here, though veteran actor Alan Arkin would be a popular winner. Playing a paedophile probably won't win Jackie Earle Haley many votes, and Hounsou's second nomination is unlikely to yield any better results than his first.

I like the underdog so I'll be rooting for Haley, though I can't see anything other than a Murphy win.

Best supporting actress category - Adriana Barraza (Babel); Cate Blanchett (Notes on a Scandal); Rinko Kikuchi (Babel); Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls); Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)

This one is fairly clear-cut and should see a supporting actor/actress double for the otherwise largely ignored Dreamgirls. Jennifer Hudson proved to be a very popular winner at the Golden Globes and that should carry her to success here. With Hudson around it's hard to see youngster Abigail Breslin doing a Tatum O'Neal and walking away with this award but stranger things have happened. Blanchett is also always worth a shout. The two Babel girls will cancel each other out.

Well, I'm a big Blanchett fan but she's won this one before so maybe I'll root for the Japanese girl just to be different. Ultimately it doesn't matter as Hudson will dance away with this one.

Best cinematography category - Vilmos Zsigmond (The Black Dahlia); Emmanuel Lubezki (Children of Men); Dick Pope (The Illusionist); Guillermo Navarro (Pan's Labyrinth); Wally Pfister (The Prestige)

Strange to see none of the major films being nominated in this category, which makes it a very open field. Of the five, Pan's Labyrinth was the most highly acclaimed by the critics and offers something vastly different which could make it stand out in the crowd. However, Zsigmond's recreation of 1940's Hollywood will surely appeal to the voters.

I'd like to see Guillermo Navarro win, and I think I'll get my wish.

Best foreign language film category - After the Wedding; Days of Glory; Pan's Labyrinth; The Lives of Others; Water

Pan's Labyrinth would seem a likely winner on paper due to its recognition in other categories and comparitively large US distribution, but this category rarely works that way. German cinema is going through a purple patch right now which means The Lives of Others is a strong contender. Canadian film The Barbarian Invasions won this award two years ago so that may count against Water.

Pan's Labyrinth is hailed as one of the films of the year so I think it would be fitting if it won this award. But I feel the Germans will take it. Not on penalties.

The others

I expect Babel to take the editing honours, whereas Pan's Labyrinth should win for art direction and makeup. Marie Antoinette deserves to take the costume design award but it will probably go to The Queen. One of the three songs from Dreamgirls to be nominated will likely win best original song, whilst Notes on a Scandal could pick up a sympathy award for best score after missing out in the bigger categories. Best sound will probably go to Dreamgirls, with Letters From Iwo Jima getting the sound editing nod. That just leaves Poseidon to win best visual effects for the technical awards.

John Lasseter is something of an Oscar favourite which should see his Cars get the best animated feature gong, and the L.A liberals should finally see Al Gore voted in, this time in the shape of An Inconvenient Truth winning the best documentary feature award.

That concludes my look at the 2007 Academy Awards. Not a vintage year by any means but there's plenty of interesting stories waiting to be told. I'll probably do a follow up blog looking at where I went wrong. Enjoy the show.