Table of Hell: Chalk, Drugs and Rock n' Roll

Table of Hell: Chalk, Drugs and Rock n' Roll is the title of a controversial new book about the hey-day of the WPF, and the stars who made the company such a success. Its author, Phil Harris, is a long-time fan of the game, and worked as a photographer, then journalist, for our sister publication, Green Baize Monthly. Harris drew upon an extensive number of sources from within the game to put together this explosive tell-all, the reverberations of which are being felt all over the pool world. Make no mistake about it, Table of Hell is the most honest, graphic, and wildly exciting tome ever written on this game of kings we so admire.

Now, in a Q-Tip Magazine exclusive, we bring to you a serialisation of Table of Hell, with a brief introduction written by its author, which can't be found anywhere else. Table of Hell becomes available in all good bookstores from the 1st April, priced 17.99 (hardback).

From the mind of Phil Harris
It wasn't my intention when I started this book for it to be a tell-all. I simply wanted to bring to light the truth of exactly what was going on behind the scenes during the glory days of the WPF. I met a lot of resistance from certain people from within the game, which was to be expected, but thankfully, over my years as a fan, and journalist, I gathered a lot of sources. I couldn't have written this book without them, and thank them profusely for their time. I hope this book is enjoyed, first and foremost, by fans and none-fans alike, but I also hope it acts as a cautionary tale of what can happen when a group of young men and women are thrown together for 300 nights a year, with little in the way of regulation. What you read here may shock, and it may entice, but I hope it also makes you look at the game of pool in a new light.

Table of Hell: Chalk, Drugs and Rock n' Roll (a serialisation for Q-Tip Magazine)

Chapter One: What it is to dream
I'd been a pool fan for 15 years when I got my first job in the business. I'm not a pool fan anymore. I worked as a photographer and journalist covering pool for five years, and during that time I saw a change in the game. In 1985, 200 people, myself included, watched Potsy Malone raise the Panda Cola Trophy in Grimsby. 15 years later, 20,000 people watched an exhibition match take place at the Wembley Conference Centre. Pool got bigger, but it didn't get better.

That exhibition match was promoted by the World Pool Federation, or WPF. The WPF was started by a man named Nick Billinge, out of the rubble of the old Down Them Balls promotion (or DTB- a coincidence I'll get to later). Billinge was a genius, a fact that is now long-forgotten as a series of strokes have rendered him practically house-bound. Again, I'll get to that later.

Billinge bought the DTB, lock, stock and barrel for 25 pounds sterling, and many at the time thought he'd been ripped off. Within a year he was a millionaire, as his WPF gripped the nation, and eventually, the world.

The WPF brought a previously unheard-of level of glitz and glamour to pool. Gone were the days of the flat cap-wearing pensioners squinting over faded baize in smoke-filled snooker clubs. The WPF players were superstars. They had charisma, they had je nes sais quoi. So why, then, did so many of those stars end up broke, jailed, institutionalised, even dead?

To effectively investigate the matter, you have to start at the top and, for the WPF, that means the Dream Team, the other DTB.

Adam Russell and Darren Hibbert were 16 when they were signed to professional contracts by Billinge. They hardly knew each other, outside of a few brief encounters in amateur tournaments, but in their new environment, built up a firm friendship. This, despite being quite different.

Russell was a quiet boy, respectful of his surroundings, and never more comfortable than with a cue in his hand. Hibbert was more extravert, cock-sure, with a mouth like an Kenyan on speed- it never stopped running. Russell was short and slight, even unimposing, but like many men of diminutive stature- Georgi Kinkladze, Willow- he was a magician. Hibbert, by comparison, cut a hulking figure, with a back like a mountain-top plateau. "He was all back", as Billinge recalled in a 2000 interview. While the rest of Hibbert's body would eventually fill out to normal proportions, the back remained in the spotlight, as Hibbert famously played for 6 months with a cracked spine. Back in the old days though, that back had other uses.

"Booze-ups were a common thing," explains Alan Gillingham, a former player known as The Renegade, who found more success as a commentator, and as the voice of the WPF. "After every show a group of the boys would get together in the lockerroom, and just get pissed as quick as possible. These were the early days. We were all friends back then." Hibbert, according to Gillingham, was one of the heavier drinkers, and would usually end the night passed out on the lockerroom floor. "One night, I can't remember whose idea it was, but Daz was sprawled out on his stomach on the floor of the lockerroom, and damned if that big bastard back didn't look like a pool table." And so a new form of post-event entertainment was born. "For about 4, 5 months, after the show, we'd gather in the back for a game of pool on Darren's back. There were no pockets, of course. We just tied 6 socks to him."

Eventually, Russell, who didn't drink and usually spent his time after the shows writing in his journal, caught wind of what was going on, and informed his friend and doubles partner. Hibbert was so embarrassed about the situation that he never said a word, and made Russell swear the same. He would get his revenge many time over in the course of the next few years.

While Russell was conspicuous by his absence during these after-match festivities, rumours abounded about a curious pre-match ritual from which he never deviated.

"Wanks".

Dan Clearup, a jobber-to-the-stars who spent 4 years with the WPF tells the story. "Everyone knew he was doing it. Nipping off to the bogs to knock one off before his matches. I suppose it calmed his nerves or something." By this time, Russell was the biggest star in the company, and had politicked himself into a position of power whereby he was virtually untouchable. Clearup continues: "Even if we could say anything, why would we? ED (The English Dream- Russell's nickname) was the one drawing the crowds, bringing in the money. Whatever he was doing to keep those levels of performance up, I certainly didn't care. Let me put it this way- if you've got the goose that lays golden eggs, are you gonna throttle that goose because it honks?"

Ritual masturbation is tame compared to many of the other stories that I heard about the Dream Team- some fo which are even more scandalous than the ones that have made the news. Upon forming their friendship, and rewriting pool history as part of the doubles team dubbed The Dream Team by Harry Sanghera, Russell and Hibbert stepped up their quest to attain unprecedented power in the company. They decided that they couldn't do it alone.

Andrew Appleby was signed by Nick Billinge on the advice of Martin Kirkley, and the two formed a competent midcard doubles team known as The Applekirks. It was apparent though that Appleby was headed for bigger things. A prodigious talent, and larger-than-life personality, Appleby was soon earmarked by The Dream Team as a potential 3rd man in their clique. What was unique about the situation was the way they chose to go about initiating Appleby into the group.

Breaking from the script was nothing new to Russell and Hibbert. The Dream Team was formed when on live television, Darren Hibbert cut a raw and uncensored promo and then spat into the eye of a crewman. Billinge was livid, but saw the dollar signs. The Dream Team again bucked authority in a doubles match against the Applekirks, on the annual Pool-la-la event. As Russell approached the table facing a match-winning black, he instead asked for a microphone, and proceeded to berate the match-makers for putting them against such lacklustre opposition. Billinge again sent crewman onto the stage to restore order but, as they shied away from another potential loogie being projected from Hibbert's mouth, they were greeted instead by a shower of urine from Appleby. Russell then introduced Kirkley, and the world, to the 'Dream Team, brother'- the DTB.

Appleby's actions may have been a surprise to some, but not to those who knew him, such as ex-girlfriend Sarah Fogg, who was stolen by Appleby from Kirkley in a final act of betrayal. "He was crazy. A real loose cannon. That's probably why I fell for him in the first place. When Martin first introduced me to him, I knew there was something wild about him". Fogg was a pool player in her own right, one of the so-called 'divas' of the WPF. "As soon as he signed with the company," she continues, "he was begging me to introduce him to the diva's lockerroom. I would have been ostracised by the girls if I'd have done that. I told him it was impossible, so on his second night in the company, he burst throughthe lockerroom door with a fire axe, wearing only my Martin's butcher's apron, and yelling at us to form an orderly queue. Some of the girls, in a confused state, straggled into some manner of queue, but thankfully, Martin came in and dragged him out."

"He was the craziest bastard of the lot," asserts Clearup. "Just ask Dan Hudson".

The Hudson incident hit the headlines in January 2000. Appleby was out celebrating the turn of a new millenium with some of the boys, including Russell and Hibbert, when they chanced upon Dan Hudson, a young player who was earning his stripes at the WPF's developmental league.

"Appleby and Hudson had beef going a ways back," explains Clearup. "Hudson was a part of who were known as the Landau Boys". The Landau Boys were a group of players who were discovered by Billinge playing at the Landau Forte Academy. Their most famous alumnus was Tom Gregory. "It was Dan's fault actually. We have this tradition in the game- the night of your first show, you present a piece of chalk to the guys in the main event, out of respect. The guys in the main are the ones drawing the crowd and, essentially, paying your wages. Appleby was working the main that night, but Hudson thought it was a stupid tradition. Gregory warned him. I even offered him a piece of my chalk to give to Appleby and, I think it was Apno, the other guy. He wasn't having any of it though. Foolish."

In Clearup's version of the tale, Chris Apno, the former world champion, shrugged off the disrespect shown by Hudson, contenting himself to smear shit over all of Hudson's belongings, but Appleby wanted to make an example out of the youngster, and so began a three month campaign of bullying that ended that fateful New Year's Eve.

Hudson was found in Derby town centre early on January 1st, 2000, curled up in the fetal position, and barely able to string two words together. From a garbled statement, the police gathered that upon encountering Appleby the previous night, the People's Champion, as Appleby was known 'DXed him to fuck'. DXing was a lewd gesture performed by the Dream Team, basically inviting the recipients to gratify them orally. One DX was usually enough to send someone into a spiral of shame, but by all accounts, Appleby had relentlessy Dxed Hudson 60 or 70 times. Literally, to fuck.

Appleby was brought up on criminal charges, and "Fuckgate", as it came to be known, was all over the papers for weeks. Appleby turned up for his tribunal in a t-shirt bearing the image of his mugshot (a t-shirt that would go on to be a bestseller with fans). He was drunk. He admitted all charges, famously saying in court 'keep a seat warm for me in fuck, Hudson'. No witnesses could verify the accounts though, and charges were dropped. Hudson was committed to a mental hospital, and took his life in 2005.

Gillingham has a different story on the origin of the feud. "The chalk thing is bollocks. No disrespect to Clearup, but he wasn't provy to the real ins-and-outs like others were. Nobody had done the chalk thing since the 80s. This was simple. Appleby hated the Landau Boys just because. He was a mean bastard, DX you as soon as look at you. Hudson was in the wrong place at the wrong time that New Years."

If they say three's a crowd, then four equals the most dominant force in entertainment history, and the DTB soon added a fourth member to their ranks. 'The Journeyman' Phil Wallis played a happy-go-lucky fan favourite on screen, but behind the scenes it was a different story. He was quiet. He didn't talk to anyone, didn't socialise. He didn't even smile. Sources tell me that his only friend from the beginning was Adam Russell, and that was his introduction to the Dream Team.

"Phil Wallis was the worst of all," a source, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions, tell me. "You know what they say about the quiet ones? Some of the boys thought that Wallis had a black heart. I don't know if he had a heart".

Wallis is known for his simmering rivalry with Martin Kirkley, which I'll cover in detail later in this book, but there was another rivalry which I can reveal now for the first time. My source takes up the story:

"Wallis was a womaniser. Everyone knew this. He lived for it. There was only one guy in the lockerroom who liked sex more than Phil Wallis, and that was Doug Buckley."

Buckley was a popular midcard player, whose admitted sex addiction would eventually lead to the deaths of two WPF divas. That's for later.

"Wallis and Buckley made a bet- who could bang the most divas. The problem was, if there's one thing the boys like to do more than fucking, it's bullshitting, and Buckley was known as one of the biggest bullshitters in the company. To get around this, they agreed that video evidence was needed for the diva to count. So, every other night became video night in the lockerroom. Wallis or Buckley would bring in a new tape of them with one of the divas, and the boys would get together with some drinks and enjoy the show. And I'll tell you what, they went diva for diva. Wallis's were of a better class, because he had power from being in the Dream Team, but Doug, to his credit, he didn't mind scraping the barrel".

My source explained to me that the only two divas who were strictly off-limits were Kam Johal and Tatla, who got their jobs with the company through the Indian Mafia. Don't worry, I'll get to that.

"Doug started fudging the numbers," my source goes on. "He was in a relationship with Jacquelyn at the time, and loved threesomes. Thing is, he was counting them as two every time, and, of course, Wallis wasn't having it. That started the bad blood".

The 'bad blood' was exacerbated when Wallis, breaking the rules of the bet, bedded Jacquelyn. He then, in an unscripted moment at the first Poolamania pay-per-view, referred to Buckley as the chocolate man- an allusion to Buckley's alleged habit of licking the anuses of his conquests.

For that, Wallis was suspended without pay for 6 weeks. It seemed excessive, but many speculated that Billinge was punishing the whole DTB by suspending the least powerful of the bunch. 3 days later, Wallis was reinstated. My digging on the subject reveals that sometime between the suspension and reinstatement, a brick was hurled through Billinge's window. One story claims that Billinge had been paid a visit by the Indian Mafia, and scared into backtracking on the suspension. Another story has it that the brick was wrapped in a pair of Billinge's wife, Ramona Billinge's knickers.

Billinge was the man who signed the cheques, but it was pretty clear who was running the show. The Dream Team were the biggest stars the WPF ever saw, and the rest of the lockerroom paid the price for that fact. Some still are.